Moodswing

2010-07-22T19:21:00.002+08:00

I am very disappointed with my friend. Once again. She disappoint me. Why should i be bother to be concern abt her then?

To hell with her.

2010-07-09T18:01:00.001+08:00

Depressed: The condition of feeling sad or despondent.

Kns.

2010-06-25T21:14:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, one would feel that they have put in efforts to concern about the others, however, it turns out that the others did not feel the same way likewise. One would feel foolish and a feeling of betrayal surges. However, thinking that no one in this world would ever be how they appear to be in front of the others.

I have always look up to a person as a model. This person exhibits independence, strong, understanding, confidence and always seem to be in good luck. However, recently, I found out tt this person ain't that wonderful and perfect as she appears to be. Or rather, I discovered that, I overlooked some points abt her.

I have a friend who is experiencing some obstacles in her relationship. She appeared to be strong, as though the incident doesn't affect her in the least. Nonetheless, I somehow feel she is just putting on a strong front. I feel for her and hope things do turn out well for her.

I read the post put up by one of the SIM bloggers about the APPIES event. I feel that the post could have been more detailed as the APPIES was by far the best congress I've ever attended and I've learnt a lot of things just within that 2 days. I saw several presenters representing top-notch marketing and advertising agencies presenting and pitching their ideas in front of me (I'm just one of the many audiences together with the judge). Some of them did a fantastic job, they certainly bring out the gist and objective of their ideas. At times where I feel that the presenters had great ideas, the judges would post some real sharp doubts that instantly broaden up my mind about how marketing and advertising could really be thought and done.

I had a satisfying, more than that, a wonderful time at the congress as it widens my perspective on marketing and advertising and I appreciate the fact that SIM students could sit in FOC when the tickets costs US 200 bucks for others.

2010-06-25T21:14:00.001+08:00

2010-06-25T20:58:00.005+08:00

2010-06-25T20:58:00.004+08:00

2010-06-18T18:28:00.001+08:00

I will master photoshop!

2010-06-01T16:09:00.005+08:00

Drop a job from the sky for me. I'll run, sprint, jump, hop, skip and do whatever it takes for me to grab it securely with my arms.

Photoshop learning is becoming a taxing thing for me. I shall MASTER it!

2010-05-31T14:29:00.002+08:00

I must do sth to my life..My current life...my uncertain life.

I need to complete all that I want to do before I put myself in the 9-5pm job. Okay, marketing has no 9-5pm luxury work hours. So, all the more I need to accomplish all that I need to do before I concentrate and strive at my future job.

OMG!

2010-05-30T16:58:00.004+08:00

Wah... I've been enjoying life quite a bit ever since the last paper ended.

The recent expedition to Hort Park was satisfying, especially when crossing the super long and high bridge. Smelly egg was so freak out tt he HOLD ON to me. Actually I kinda freak out, but when I realised tt he was freaking out, I became braver and laugh at HIM! Muhahaha :D Its such an enjoyable trip, we saw the students who were there on excursion too. Its been eons since my last excursion, missed the times when I went to school early, with excitement, buzzing ard with my primary school classmates...

Talking abt tt, I'm having a primary school gathering! Well, hope it'd turn out fun, unlike those of my friends, which was one of boring and entertaining-other-pple.

I wish the exploration to the Henderson Waves would come faster, basking in the morning sun and enjoying the satisfying lunch after that is certainly sth worth looking forward to...

2010-03-15T22:38:00.003+08:00

The blog is incomplete.

The assignments are incomplete.

Haven even start the 2nd half and its gonna be due in 3 weeks' time. No, its not because my group is lazy tt we left everything until the very last min to do. Its because there are tests coming up every fornightly, presentation, plus the first half of each assignment to complete. We've been so tired.

I can't even sleep properly last night because of the PERVERT next door. HOW can i get rid of him without breaking the laws??? He broke the law yet I can't do anything to get him away permanently, eternally from my life, my family's life. SLIMY FREAK!

He's the reason for my 5+ hours of sleep. And the cause of enabling to complete my B2B report parts. He is such a JERK, AN ASSHOLE, a BASTARD, JACKASS, SLIMY FREAK!

PUI!

May his every part of his body be aching from this moment until the day he die.

So, if he wants to be relieve from his pain, he can only wish for his death to come earlier.

If you are reading this and think tt I'm a harsh and sadist person, no, YOU are very wrong.

To such a person who extorts money from his family for more than 30 over years, do nth to contribute to the society, break the law, beat up his brothers just to get money from them and threaten to beat his father, and almost did, if not for the call of the police, this person has done nth but instill fear and dirty this world with his filthy existence.

Now if you wonder why the family could still tolerate him?

I wonder why too.

JACKASS!

2010-01-05T21:52:00.001+08:00

School's starting in two days' time.

I'm feeling the stress as there are many mid-sem tests, individual assignments and grp projects...

I actually wanted to go flip through the course guides and see which are the courses that have tests etc, but i decided not to. Since I'm going to know it later on when the lecturer mention them, why bother to stress myself out now??

What a logical theory :)

2009-12-12T17:53:00.002+08:00

I spent half the day walking around Orchard all by myself. I realised, it is not so intimidating afterall.

I enjoy the independence.

And I can really be on my own. To accomplish my goals on my own.

2009-11-14T13:00:00.002+08:00

Its a great feeling to have at least a grp of friends whom you have some common points with...

You're allowed to be yourself, without having to think carefully before you speak and also, to laugh like nobody's business...

However, will the society changes everything when all of us are in the workplace?

Will we still be able to play the boardgames simple-ly without any agendas in the future?

Will we be able to just chat and give each other genuine advices without any comparisons with regards to the status, wealth...

Vit C's graduation came across my mind and am humming it...

I came across Yuhki Kuramoto's Romance on one of my freq website...Its soothing, and sad...

I'm getting too emotional =P

Lets enjoy the good sunny weather.

Have a nice day ahead :)

2009-10-31T23:48:00.000+08:00

i am very angry with the BF lecturer. Very very.

Hmph!

2009-09-19T00:13:00.002+08:00

I should be and ought to feel blissful.

I have a lot of wonderful things in life.

I am reaching out more.

At times, it is good to reach out and strive for more.

At times, I place too much emphasis on some areas that blinds me to see the bliss that is just in front of me.

Today, I hold the hand, which accompanies me through the last 1 yr and nine months. Giving my support, providing me a shoulder whenever I need it. It is this hand that hold me through the difficult moments during these periods. Not forgetting the care and concern showered by my loved ones. The owner of this hand, is holds me as the centre of his world, of which his world evolves around.

I ought to cherish all these.

Counting my blessings, and counting on...

2009-09-08T11:18:00.000+08:00

I've forgotten I have a big big flaw.

The great reminder you've given me, makes me realize why I have been rejecting people.

Now I rmb. Its because of tt. And so, I cant receive people with open heart.

I may have hurt you.

But the hurt you inflicted this time is too great to be salvaged.

2009-09-05T14:58:00.000+08:00

Its september. Lecturer said this september is going to pass by very fast.

I do not believe it, until now.

Late August, I was anticipating 2nd week of Sep where I'll be buying my phone and celebrating my
21st with my close ones. Now that Finance test is over, I begin to feel a bit of my freedom regaining. And I was shopping at Orchard ytd.

And I realised something suddenly, I'm gonne be immobilised soon, because exam in coming.

And I need to do the volunteer work as promised.

This sep is going to pass by real fast.

But it's gonna be a fulfilling and joyous one. :)

2009-08-25T11:48:00.000+08:00

I am very fed up by the Capital budgeting.

Every of the textbook qns I did are wrong or partially wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!

And this makes me unable to move on and complete the qns.

And I have so many qns to ask my lecturer tt I doubt he wil have time to answer me consider the fact tt there are lotsa of others who are like me.

I AM VERY FRUSTRATED!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-08T22:08:00.000+08:00

2 projects per module have been driving me mad.

Email-ing and Research are what occupies me all day long.

Friend is not feeling well, hope she'll recover soon. She isn't she when she's sick.
Project discussion isn't fun without any of the four of us.

I dun have enough time to even watch Big MAMA.

I want to go wild wild wet, i wanna go songs of the sea.

I wanna go a lot of places...but I cant...argh!!!

I got to stay strong in order to sail through all these.

Smelly egg said I still got a lifetime ahead of me, so all these are gonna make me become stronger!

Whatever doesn't kills me makes me stronger!

Tough times don't last, tough woman last!!!

2009-08-06T22:39:00.001+08:00

Just came back from tuition, but I got blown away cox the student tot tuition was at 7pm and she got home at 5pm, when the tuition was supposed to be at 5pm.

So, I foolishly ring the doorbell, many times and waited.

In the endm after everything was cleared up, I went off to eat my wonderful dinner at lib. Nice and healthy dinner :)

And I got my purple specs:)

And I think my long time no see friend is too shy to meet up w me! U shld know who u are! haha.

And I'm panicking now cox I think i got the wrong direction for my project!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where can I find Hot Coffee Ginger Chews?

2009-07-30T12:21:00.000+08:00

I am not getting normal.

I took the spoon which was meant for stirring the coffee to the living room.

I almost put my hp to my ears thinking I'm calling or answering a call when I actually wanted to see a sms.

I need to take a break under the sun.

I need fresh air too to clear my mind.

Hoo~

2009-07-26T00:47:00.002+08:00

Am I too stressed?

Or am I sick?

I'm craving for carbs, and I had them for 2 meals today.

2009-07-19T21:41:00.003+08:00

I still longed to enjoy many different cakes.

I still want to enjoy many different types of cuisine.

I still want to enjoy many gatherings at different new places with my friends.

I still want to enjoy listening to different music.

I'm on my journey of life.

And I'm doing all these with one person absent.

2009-07-13T11:34:00.000+08:00

Its summer!!!

Lets bask in the sun!!!

:)

2009-07-08T11:25:00.002+08:00

It felt so terrible. It feels like running away.

Life isn't supposed to be like tt.

Its not abt pleasing pple, cracking ur brains to find ways to get pple's attention.

Some pple just do not meant to be, even when u tried all means.

And it feels so unreal now. But Im finally awake.

Im quiet not because Im shy. Its because some are not worth my effort to talk to them.

2009-07-05T18:33:00.001+08:00

I am very pissed off, by passive pple.

2009-06-19T19:49:00.001+08:00

Its time to wake up my senses.

I have one friend less.

Good Riddance this time.

2009-06-19T17:44:00.003+08:00

Hi Everyone!!!

Allow me to remind all of u one simple thing:

Count your blessings.

Count my blessings :)

2009-06-16T10:12:00.003+08:00

Look what you've done.

Look what I've done.

@$^P#$TO$# "OW{R O{#R%#"WQ R

2009-06-14T19:58:00.003+08:00

I had a 2 friends.

I known them since kindergarten.

Coincidentally, we were in the same class till primary six.

As we grow up, one of them became very smart and made it to the local uni.

However, personality was not the same anymore.

Now tt I turned to this personality, this friend became otherwise.

The other one, I lost contact ever since secondary days.

During JC, I came to know that he was coindentally, in the same class as my sec sch friend.

Nonetheless, I didn't cherish the chance for a catch up.

Now, I tot I had the chance to catch up with this friend.

Yet, I was wrong. He is serving NS now. I foolishly tot tt I could have a meet up.

Everything was so stranger btw us.

He is the only childhood friend which did not take advtg of me. (Dun think otherwise)

I was the one who always bully him whenever I can.

When the timing was over, it can't be turn back.

I should have known it better.

2009-06-13T21:08:00.001+08:00

People are impt.

Cherish while we still can.

But I'm afraid I can't hold on to some.

2009-06-12T22:53:00.001+08:00

Cycling today at ecp

Saw big and clear aeroplanes.

Tanned.

Energetic, cox of Tay Ping Hui-effect. !!!! HAHA!

2009-06-12T08:10:00.003+08:00

I woke up at 6.58am.

And I dreamt of Tay Ping Hui.

Cool! hehe

2009-06-10T21:17:00.004+08:00

It feels like the whole world is revolving, and I'm watching it revolving.

It felt awful.

And, I dislike waiting more than anything else, except that disgusting beast-being thing.

The rustling of the winds brought by the cycling and blading tmr will ease all the disgusts.

I feel so worthless.

2009-06-06T21:15:00.002+08:00

So long as he dies, I'll celebrate like nobody's business.

Everyone will live life carefree'ier, safer.

The world will be freed of one villian, one criminal.

Pls hear this. Let him, this bastard and this disgusting shit in the disguise of man, die asap.

2009-05-24T21:56:00.001+08:00

When friends are longer a keeper, pointless in holding on.

Today marks the day of a rid of tt "friend". Good riddance.

2009-05-24T20:29:00.002+08:00

I got so sad while listening to this song...

Best of me--Daniel Powter

I wasn't mean the wrong way
Won't you do me the right way
Where you gonna be tonight
Coz I won't stay too long

Maybe you're the light for me
When you talk to me it strikes me
Won't somebody help me
Coz I don't feel too strong

Was there something that I said
Was there something that I did
Or the combination I broke that did me have

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along
Though it's not your favorite song
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say
You know that some of us spin again
When you do you need a friend
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me
And I hate the thought finally been erased
Baby that's the best of me

Everything's behind you
But the whole place signs besides you
Living in every moment
Have I wasted all your time

Was there something that I said
Was there something that I did
Or the combination I broke that did me have

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along
Though it's not your favorite song
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say
You know that some of us spin again
When you do you need a friend
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me
And I hate the thought been erased
Baby that's the best of me

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along
Though it's not your favorite song
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say
You know that someone those spin again
When you do you need a friend
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me
And I hate the thought finally been erased
Baby that's the best of me

btw, wen yan, tell me how to get to your blog ok? Cox of the invite thingy :)

2009-05-24T20:03:00.001+08:00

Feeling very unwell... and feel like crying...im not a whimpy for feeling like crying, just tt everyone has their own way of relieving, and I happen to want to do tt at this time.

2009-05-21T11:44:00.001+08:00

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-16T23:11:00.005+08:00

Met bestie ytd, satisfying! Talk abt lot of things, but they all surround our bf!!!

Meet smelly egg today also. Tried the Nutty Chocolate Craze at Gelare, satisfying :) My phone was spoilt, so the photos are with him now. The ice cream was okay, but the fresh cream irks me. After tt we went esplanade to listen to some local singer singing those songs that she composed. I have no idea what she's singing, nor the song title, though her voice was really good. I can see myself singing her songs too in future shld she make a good prospects out of this.

I easily irritated nowadays, and its frustrating because I have no idea whats behind tt. Its definitely not PMS.

Oh ya, I tried making the no-bake cheesecake last week. The result was extreme. Those who tried it commented tt either it was nice or it was awful. The key lies in the yoghurt added, haha.

Now I'm going on to the next baked stuff. Will show all when its successful.

2009-05-11T14:07:00.003+08:00

I'm not sure whether the others felt the same as me.

After exam, finding a job. Any job will do for them. Be it promoter, call centre, internships. I'm afraid, if I do not start doing the things tt I truly wanted to. I might never have the passion and energy to start them. All of them outside, they found their dreams, their forte and are now on their way to them. Some others, they only talk abt it, think what they wanna do. But I didnt see them putting real action into it.

Before exams, I thought of many many things tt I wanna do after exam. After exam, the reality sinks in and makes me develop doubts about the things I wish to achieve during this break.

People are just too scary for me to handle them. Esp women, with hidden agenda!

2009-05-10T12:31:00.002+08:00

Since he mentioned I've always put on bad events on the blog instead of the good ones, I shall put some on now.

He is my best friend.
I could bitch everything I was unhappy about to him.
He saw all my embarrassing moments. Happy moments too.
I can be myself around him. And even carefree'ier in front of him.
He knows me better than I do.
He likes singing songs to me. Even took the trouble of recording his live "Elmo" and mms me when I was feeling terrible.

He is like a boy.
At his age, his thinking is sometimes naive and childish. hehe

He is responsible and filial to his parents, though sometimes he is very stubborn and hot-tempered.
He is willing to spend on all the people he cares for, putting himself at the last.

Although he only start to think seriously at this age, its better than nth :)

And he's growing stronger, cox his arm can barely fit into his shirt. Now whats left is a sun tan to make him look better :)

Having him saves me the worrying of losing my way, and I like to explore ulu places with him, which we always do :)
There's a feeling of ease to be with him, cox he has no agenda. Except for some emo-ing, as I said, he is STILL a boy, at his age.

Though the route now seems long and curvy for we can't see the end, but I think we'll reach there soon.

2009-04-03T23:44:00.002+08:00

I am so demoralise and low in confidence now...

I need my chicken soup.

I need 100 GB memory size.

I need a body needing only 2 hours of sleep a day.

I need a face tts resistant to black eye rings and dull complexion.

I need a day without sunset!!!

I need a body without the need to settle meals and answer the call of nature and not smelling bad after a day!!!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-01T23:14:00.008+08:00

Here I am, thinking I have a lot of time to blog here instead of studying for exam. I'm on the verge of bouncing back soon if I dun step back slightly.

I had a famous "korea set meal" for lunch today, but it was by no means, Aw...ful. The rice is not hot, the veg are not cooked properly, the environment is...cramp and dunno-whether-its-hygenic. I'm not picky, just tt I'm concerned about the food I put into my mouth.

Oh ya, the most interesting thing was dropping the chicken onto smelly egg's hand, then onto his hand, then onto the floor; while in an attempt to pass him the chicken tt i cant finish.

How interesting.

I wanna see movie, walk along suntec, marina, and sitting at esplanade with the lightings from the commercial buildings, talking to smelly egg like there's no rush to anywhere...

2009-03-27T01:13:00.004+08:00

Its so late...smelly egg went to his dreamland already cox I'm preoccupied with my SQ!

No doubt we've finish it three weeks ago...but there are ethics, marcom and AMCA projects...all so hectic tt i've barely have time to compile and edit my sq...

Finally, after much struggle, I finished the compiling and editing!

All tts left is print and bind!

WooHoo~

Not to mention the 5000 +++++ words to cut!

And its done!!!

What an achievements...

Special thanks to those who help out :)

Now, its my turn to hit the bed!!!

2009-03-25T22:00:00.003+08:00

I'm so irritated by the project. I have a hard time cutting the words. And I'm like reading abt flyer and cutting the words abt flyer. Its just so annoying!!!

At the end of the project, Spore Flyer could hire me to advise them abt improvements they could made...

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-23T00:08:00.002+08:00

I'm tired. And I'm stressed.

But I'm reminded to PUT MY GLASS DOWN.

So, I reckon I'll not have insomnia tonight.

2009-03-19T19:10:00.002+08:00

I feel sick in the afternoon...

And it got better....

After hearing a news in the evening...

I feel like crying.

I just feel like shouting, "ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Why can't he be stronger and be more protectant of us, tt way I won't be feeling so insecure now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-16T21:12:00.006+08:00

While I was reading, I was so distracted I went to compile my project, while compiling, I got distracted again and so I went to look at one of the site that I frequent...

Source: http://www.auntyyochana.blogspot.com/

And I saw this...As I scroll down more...

Source: http://www.auntyyochana.blogspot.com/

I saw this!!! I cannot resist it anymore!

I'm so craving for chocolate, and cake and crossaint!

Oh, recently I learnt tt the actually pronounciation for crossaint is "Qua S on" not "Cro s on"! Interesting...

I wanna eat cake and crossaint and chocolate!

2009-03-14T00:34:00.001+08:00

I'm so tired and finally the Appendix for outdoor media is uploaded!!!

I can go to sleep now!!!!!

Sleep, so treasured and precious to me now!!!

2009-03-11T21:27:00.003+08:00

Sometimes its just bloody irritating to stay at home. Especially when ur pressence doesn't make a diff. You dun even feel like you have the basic level of dignity and respect from pple. Whats the use of staying then?

2009-03-11T21:13:00.003+08:00

Smelly Egg inspires mw with this sometime ago with this quote, " Tough times don't last, tough man do."

From the ethics pt of view, according to Socrates or Plato or whichever ancient philosopher, the purpose of woman in the past is just a child-bearing being. Note, its a being.

Now, we're in the 21st century, we shall now forget abt the theories of Socrates, Plato and Aristotle.

Tough times dont't last, tough man do, tough woman even will.

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LETS CHEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FOR ALL THE GOOD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-09T19:53:00.004+08:00

I dun like YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anybody who's gonna give me another exclaimation is gonna GET IT FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT THE HECK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-06T12:59:00.004+08:00

Everything seems so great initially. Be it making friends, going into a relationship or playing a game, eating a nice chocolate ice-cream cone.

When things get on to the middle stage, u begin to see the true colours of the friends u think are so great initially, u understand what ur gf or bf is actually like, u find the game level is hard to attain, and the melting chocolate ice-cream cone is beginning to make ur fingers dirty.

The decision made here is, whether u want to continue with what you've done or achieve so far or u want to continue to find ways to deal with it.

Why cant some things be as simple and clear. The society is already filling us with traumas and insecurities. Why cant there be a space, place or even somebody we can find comfort in, whereby we dun have to worry about getting disappointments or unhappiness cox it will always be there, like a tree. Giving u comfort and back-up whenever u are tired.

Sadly speaking, there is nth so good in this world.

If we cant deal with it, we can only be dealt with.

To survive, just keep fighting.

2009-02-26T21:27:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling so upset now.

I'm sick while I try all means and ways to prevent it.

I'm piled up with tonnes and messy and confusing project assignments.

And I feel like I'm the worst daughter and gf.

I just want a getaway.

I just can't help crying now.

I'm just so tired and shagged from everything.

And I haven't found the solution yet.

I'm just tired.

2009-02-15T21:39:00.010+08:00

This yr's v-day could be one of the most memorable..or shld I say, the most unforgettable occasion smelly egg and I had so far during this one year r/s...

Last yr was simply too pathetic...shall not spell it out...

This yr's totally diff!

Smelly egg actually had plans one week before it and I totally have no ideas what he was planning...

So ytd, he make me starve the morning coz he had "prepared breakfast" for me, which later turned out to be this!!!

Chocolate fudge cake...yummy!!! And I ate 2 slices!!!

Later on, I discovered the Build-a-bear Bear bucks underneath the cake!!!

OMG!!! hehe...

So no doubt, after tt we went Vivo to build my bear ...

Before building, we actually planned to settle dinner at BK, but it was so packed...Having too stubborn cox I really wanted to eat their tendergrill, I made the both of us loiter outside BK while waiting for this couple to finish their lovey-dovey(they already finish their meal!)...we finally had a seat after tt!!! Under my stubborness!

Ok, so , comes the awaited building of bear...the shop was so bustling w pple! So filled with excited pple who keep changing their bears in and out with clothes! So am I!!!

The staff made smelly egg do silly things like " If you want ur gf and the bear to be full and not starving, choose a heart and rub it on ur stomach, rub on the bear's stomach and ur gf's stomach and jump three times"!!!

And he did!!! Its so embarrassing!!!

After difficult choice over the bear's clothings, my bear finally emerge!!!

And its birth cert...

After tt, I happily carry the bear in its box and we went to Sentosa. We happened to sit on the side of the beach beside the place where they had the Song of the Sea going on...and we saw fireworks!!!

OMG!!! Tts the nearest distance I've come to see fireworks and its splendid!!! Oh my, its simply very beautiful!!!

With the breezes of the sea and sa-sha of waves...we end v-day on a happy note :)

And I'm carrying my bear bear in my arms while typing this post...

2009-02-13T14:35:00.006+08:00

I'm just so addicted to this song tt's playing on my blog...

I have to listen to it before I start working on my assignments!

Lucky~

Jason Mraz Lyrics

2009-02-10T20:58:00.004+08:00

Although I just ate this ytd, but I still miss it.

Can I have a year's supply of kueh lapis???

And this...apple crumble pie anyone??? :( I want to eat !!!

2009-02-08T22:19:00.003+08:00

I'm just gonna say %&*I*P)}(*^%%$#$#C F H XL:AP((*&^Y%A$S#%$#$A%&S&*)KS ASI(A^%S%$A#%S^AOSPAPSUYIUA^S&^AS^A(.

This displays my frustration towards pple now.Dun think u r the only one stress.What u have on ur hands is lesser compared to mine.

2009-02-06T19:43:00.002+08:00

I watched "Underworld-Rise of the Lycans". Satisfying! Its nice, action-pac and its romantic =) Oh, and its sad. Projects have been tonning and there isn't much time left for me and smelly egg. Ever since CNY, we've not gone out much. He meets to accompany me study while he read his book quietly beside me, if not, to print notes. Today is the only day we can at least watch a movie. So, it was cherished very much by both of us.

Pple ard me have been doing things pretty fast. It seem to me tt either they are all very efficient, if not, they're camp at home buried under projects without a life. Am I too much to catch a simple movie? Or am I slow???

After deep thinking, I've come up with a conclusion. I'm not slow. So, u guys know what I mean!!!

2009-02-04T16:58:00.001+08:00

Every time I found sth I like. It will not be long lasting. Tts why I nv admit I like anything.
Now tt I admitted sth tt I like. Its gonna leave me.Pple take things for granted. I take pple for granted, pple took me for granted.I began to feel frustrated again.Just that its more serious this time.I finally break down ytd, and threw everything on my table. Sit down on the floor with my knees in my arms and cry.Nobody's taking me seriously anyway.I scolded mean things to somebody in the past.And tt person did it to me today.It hurts.Tt person must have hurt too in the past.I wonder how tt person tolerated.But I couldn't get over it.Tt person said this before,"What's pass is past".But this time is different.I rmb the past.He sworn it.Its over.

2009-02-03T10:41:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when u feel like u can trust somebody, u actually cannot.

This person will do sth behind ur back. Until somebody reveals sth to u, then u'll realise u've been naive to believe tt u two r relying on each other.

Actual fact, the person fend for "itself".

U r nobody to tt person.

SO in a nut shell, stay away from tt person.

If forced by circumstances, u cant.

Then put on a mask.

Afterall, tts what the person did to u.

Tt person is pathetic afterall.

Cox this person will always be treated as a jackass in my heart forever.

Sad for "it".

2009-01-30T21:27:00.001+08:00

I just feel useless and helpless.

I feel very down right now. And I just wanna cry it out.

2009-01-25T11:15:00.003+08:00

Tmr's CNY! And today's reunion dinner night. =)

Im going to Sentosa Flowers on tue!!! And I'm so gonna enter the "Magic Moments" Online Digital Photography Competition!!! But I haven used a digital cam in my life though there's one at home. Nevertheless, I'm gonna "tiao zhan gao nan du" (Take up the tough challenge) Hehe.

Ooh!!! Happy Chinese New Year!

I bet its Flowers all over the world tonight!

2009-01-23T00:59:00.007+08:00

I suddenly rmb how this person treats me last year.

I shuddered at the fact tt I'm still friendly to her.

Am I becoming like this person or am I too forgetful?

How many more pple are going to fall for this person's trap?

I'm not gonna say anything, hopefully these PPLE will understand one day.

Anyways. I only have one feeling now.

2009-01-22T14:57:00.001+08:00

Life shouldn't be like this.

We shld be able to take charge because this is OUR life.

We shld know what's our priority. We need to make cuts and do things which are more impt at this very moment. All the rest can wait. Since we haven been doing sth for so long, it doesn't matter if we put it off for a period of time. The moment is over for tt. We need to look forward now. More impt things are waiting for me to do. Throwing temper and act crazy won't solve anything.

The impt thing now is to TAKE CHARGE!!!

2009-01-21T22:27:00.004+08:00

What do I do? Which one do I do first???

Im completely out of control!

I wanna go ECP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need the breeze to calm me down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't want to feel so full right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just like muffins. OK!?

2009-01-21T22:00:00.002+08:00

Is it the fact that Im not rich therefore, I'm missing out things in life?

Or is it the fact that I'm not outgoing or sociable as others, and so I'm missing out things in life?

Or rather, is it the fact that I dun understand myself and so I'm holding things that r not supposed to continue?

Is it that Im no longer the person pple see me in the past that I MUST see that what others see me now of me??

Or is it that I'm not confidence and swishy-swashy so I'm missing out ALL the things I would like to have and not envy pple whenever I happened to see the things I yearned for on others???

BottomLine:

I have no aims in life. Or rather, my aims are too vague unless I sit down and draw out a plan.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've finished Twilight ages ago,and now on new moon, but it wasn't as expected. So, I skip to the back where the interesting parts are. In my situation now, I dun have the luxury of reading and enjoying every part now, where its boring or long-winded ones, before it reaches the climax of tt book. Do all of u understand what I'm talking abt? Whichever, I'm writing cox I feel like.

FYI, I'm imbalance.Right now.

Can I have more time and passion now?

So i can have more time to spare.

Im so frustrated and helpless over AMCA. How do I study without a textbook?

I just feel like swearing now.

KNS!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't come ask me I'm ok or not. Cox anyone w common sense can see I AM NOT!

2009-01-16T15:44:00.001+08:00

Such a peaceful afternoon, simply relaxing and windy...

Hopefully this peacefulness prolongs, even after my father comes back...

Tada

2009-01-06T13:53:00.002+08:00

Its the start of the school and I'm feeling imbalance. I feel sad and there's nth to do with it.

The fact is I dunno what I want and things just come too fast before I can react.

The foreign lecturer has no main point when he's speaking and I cant catch what others r able to catch. And Im frustrated.

When things just dun come ur way, u cant just sit down there and accept it. Make changes and make sure things go Ur way.

Come on, go get a life pple! But dun lost ur way!!!

2008-12-10T06:41:00.005+08:00

Listening to Shayne Ward's Breathless (snowflake mix).

Work's been mandane and boring as usual, though there are lots more things to do ytd.

Oh yeah, I've been shoot vulgarities by a student. I've told everyone ytd. He is so low std. My vulgarities vocab might be even greater than his, but I'm not stooping to his level. I'm there to work, not to fight with low std pple and I didn't let this spoilt my day. Gd Job!

I feel so tired and worn out after work each day, and since this is a rough period, smelly egg and me can't spent money like before. Hope this will pass soon and we're able to patronise restaurants without worries.there's still ard 2 weeks before I end my contract. Wish the following 2 weeks quickly pass, and I can leave the job soon! And the pple's there not really nice and friendly. But I dun want to quit because of this. I only have ard 2 weeks left, so, I believe I can make it through! Smelly egg will support me, and vi ce versa.

Apparently, "extreme" has been very unhappy with me and "round head". So, I will spend more time with "extreme" as much as possible. Mark my words, "extreme".

2008-12-08T10:37:00.002+08:00

So everything you said are relevant is it? You put in good words, so did I put in gd words for u.

Why do we have to communicate in this freaking platform? Can't we use our mouth to communicate? I demand a confrontation today.

Because I don't understand what you're trying to convey and You don't understand what I'm driving at.

This will continue to draft a bigger and deeper gap.

GET IT? WE NEED TO TALK?!?

Don't splurt out vulgarities the moment you open and close your mouth. You are civilised person k.

2008-12-07T19:07:00.002+08:00

Its hard to tear btw work, bf and family. I don't seem to have enough time for anyone of them. I wanna work cox I wan my resume to be fuller and to make my bank account increase with the lines. I want to spend time baking and laughing with my family. I also want to spend more time with smelly egg to make up the lost time during the last sem.

However, "extreme" don't seem to understand. "Extreme" talks from its point of view. I talk from my point of view. However, "extreme", do I ever reprimand u in my blog? Also, U think all the things you do are correct? You complain abt the time you (you all) lost to somebody, did it ever occur to u, where are the time I (WE) lost due to ur SOCIALISATION? Socialisation do brings advantages, however, so far, I didn't see it occuring to you.

Reflect on the days/nights that you spent on socialisation, I BET u nv think of how we spend time at home ALONE.

You are right abt one thing. I am indeed gonna say you r selfish and stubborn cox you only think from your perspective. Wait till you have a bf, I'll see how you tear btw family, bf and your SOCIALISATION. And you mentioned abt B and $30,000 paper? You better watch tt for your socialisation.

There is only one word to describe work now. KNS. The people are hypocrite and just doesn't seem to be the same as in MPH. Though its tough working at the latter, the environment is much better and friendlier than the former. I feel like quitting, but I just don't wanna give up the job just because of tt. I wanna try out sth new but not I've only tried out for one week. I hope I can survive down there.

Talking abt the work, for this week, due to the exam period coming up next week, I'm only assigned to zapping papers the entire week. I've also done some paper work but its crazy. Coz the work's too manual and mandane. Its boring and not efficient!!! No wonder pple in office are so stress, cox they are not efficient at all!!! And also, they keep eating and talking and going to the pantry to make and refill coffee etc...so waste of a time. I don't think tts gonna help them get their work done faster.

Every morning I wake up, I feel like crying coz I need to wake up very early and have to wear makeup and high heels. Nth makes me happy at the work, I went work looking forward to lunchtime. I'm happiest after lunch coz tt means there are only a couple of hours to knocking off. In a nutshell, I look forward to lunchtime when I go work every morning, look forward to knocking off after lunchtime. Compared to the motivation when I was in MPH, at least I got to joke with Shoba and Pat and "Him", not to forget my cute skating guy :) and delicious food in the mall...

I don't to work there!!! But I wanna earn money!!! HOW?!?!?!?!?!

Oh ya, I accidentally met a person whom I had unusual and unhappy experience with. But I'm glad I've forgotten abt his after during the day after bumping into him.

What a long post ~

2008-12-01T19:52:00.000+08:00

The feeling I had for the entire day: Crying

If only I could go back to the December on 2007.

I would have been happier.

I would be even happier if I could go back to the toddler's day.

This second half of the year had been tough for most pple. It has been tough on me too.

I could no longer bear this harshness,

All I wanna do is to Runaway.

2008-09-29T23:44:00.003+08:00

The past few weeks have been hectic, only till last week, did I have a wee bit of rest. So, i went to watch Mama Mia, and Gosh, am I addicted to ABBA's song-- Dancing Queen! I simply like the idea of some many "ladies" dancing together and especially the three aunties dancing and singing together!!! Im just so happy at the scene and I dunno why!!!

Anyway, smelly egg says he's determined this time to venture into a new industry, go for further studies and train up so tt I'll have the pleasure of Txxxxing Him! Hah! Gross?!? This is the first time I see him so determined, am I so proud of him! Though the period now is though for him, and me, haha, but no worries :)

2008-09-21T21:10:00.004+08:00

I'm just so disgusted by you. And I won't tolerate you anymore. No personal things discussed with you anymore cox u're as hypocrite as a.......as a monkey. As loathsome as it. Anyway you are. People may be blind by your friendly-mask, but I've already seen through it. You are simply disgusting. You think you very capable? Don't you know others just can't be bothered to fight with you? You should reflect on yourself and not complaining what you don't have. For once I'm telling you. You are already very lucky compared to others. Cunning Fox.

2008-09-08T10:04:00.003+08:00

My birthday's coming! However, I don't think I have the luxury to go out and celebrate it. Anyway I've ate my birthday cake, so tts a trade off.

My sis's birthday also falls in the month of September. As such, the whole family's buzzing with what presents to give us etc...hehe

My mum say I don't always buy things, but if I were to buy any, tt thing would be an expensive one. I think tts TRUE! I rmb the last thing tt I wanted which was expensive was a pair of Roller Blades when I was in sec 4. This year, I had a liking on this bag. And bag I've been aiming at it for 1 YR! HAHA! And my sis said the bag outdated already, if i really want to buy, I should go for the latest design of this bag series. Wonder what bag it is???

HAHA! This is the bag, crumpler barney orange :) Its a rather old design, and its selling at Garage at The Heeren.

I was practically looking and admiring the bags from outside the store last Mon when I went. So paisei haha, u know when u have no $ to buy it, there's no point going in right? haha

So, should I buy it?

Pros: I like it, cox I've been bio-ing it for almost 1 yr.

Cons: Its expensive and its an old design.

Solution: Go for the latest design of this series of bag (sth new of this brand but its still similar design to this bag)

Most importantly, U must have $! haha, nvm, admiring the bag is gd enough for me. :)

2008-09-05T22:55:00.001+08:00

Feelling balanced today.

I've got surprise today. Satisfying.

Its been long since I had surprise. :)

2008-09-04T23:48:00.003+08:00

I am so stressed out by projects that I can no longer laugh. Let alone smile. I really LOVE projects. I am really very unhappy. And nth seems to help.

2008-08-23T22:52:00.003+08:00

Really frustrated now, project guidelines seem too ambigous, nobody seems to be helping much...
Im ballooning up!!! I wanna finish it fast but not at the expense of the marks!!! I'm just so frustrated! What should I do! I've exceeded my word limits and there are things I've haven included in, and I just don't feel like doing it! The most effective motivation comes from within oneself and not from others!!! I'm going bonkers!!!

Selfish people!!!

2008-08-21T19:30:00.003+08:00

Upset, hectic, stressed up. These r my feelings now.
Too much work, too tired.
Don't talk to me. I don't wanna go anywhere. Don't think of removing me from my house for I'm gonna camp myself at home until I'm satisfied with myself. Don't force me anymore. I'm really gonna break any moment.

2008-08-07T23:58:00.003+08:00

I guess I'm right afterall. People do leave U when u need their company most.

2008-08-07T18:45:00.001+08:00

Im going through a hard time. I wished I could have time for a getaway.

2008-08-04T19:39:00.001+08:00

I am so so angry, and so so vexed and so so dissatisfied!!!! Why are these people like tt?!?!?!?!!?And why can't I just do sth ?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-29T18:10:00.005+08:00

Recently, I found myself having noted a lot of things which I need to do. But, when I want to come down to it, I forgot what are the things. For these, I can't forgive myself.

My mind seems to be preoccupied with something else which is rubbish! And I am very angry at myself. From this moment, I, DON'T WANT to have anything to do with those rubbish anymore!

This morning, I woke up with a really sweet dream. But, right now, I feel extremely unhappy and, sad. But I won't cry, coz someone told me I have to be brave. Like ugly betty!

2008-07-28T08:32:00.002+08:00

I'm very tired and I saw sth tt traumatised me the moment I looked into the mirror. I saw a line forming under my left eye. Oh no! I already had two very obvious panda eyes, and the right one already seems like its becoming swollen, the left one can't do this to me!!! I got enough sleep what although I find it hard to sleep in the afternoon, I think I got enough sleep at night mah.

And I'm awake at 7.45am this morning, cox I need to do up the research tt I've neglected to do for the past 4 days!!! OMG! What happened to me? Did I get my priorities right?

Whatever the case now is, I'm very tired, and I'm gonna go back to sleep till 10 before I need to get up to do research, this time, in the sch lib.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'm getting more reliance and sticky to him. This is not a gd thing. Be independent.

2008-07-24T19:05:00.004+08:00

Something lighted my day ytd.

Somebody hand-maded me a card.

And surprised me with a bear which I eyed for long time ago.

The card is too precious to be shared and so I shall kept it for myself.

Sweet, is the only word I can say.

:)

2008-07-22T19:07:00.003+08:00

I am very busy. I feel very busy. I have to be busy. Everyday, I'd have a list of things to be done, and the time after I got home from school is preoccupied by all these things. Projects are on-going and I'm already suffering. I really LIKE OB, coz everyday it takes up all of my time after school reading and reading OB and I dun even know HOW TO START the project! And I dun seem to have enough time at all! Why do I feel tired? Why can't I have all 24 hours, no need to eat, sleep, watch tv, why? why? why? I'm feeling really lethargic and I need to go tuition in 45 mins time. Worse, I'm having headache cox I dun have enough sleep. And I did a crazy thing.
I'm supposed to return a txbk to school by 9am this morning. I did wake up in time. But I fallen back to sleep. Until 7.45am. So, I reached school at 9.45am. So, there was a fine of $1.50. For such a stingy person like me to rather sleep in and pay the fine then to wake up and go to school to return the book on time, U know how tired I am. Enough of the tiring. I'm gonna be strong and determined like...like a bull!

2008-07-21T23:43:00.006+08:00

And I'm so sick and tired of all these. Can't we all live on a small town where everyone is so happy and contented with each other without the comparison? Pple long long long time ago do started to live like tt right?

i miss the moments where i feel safe and calm coz tt someone is by my side with eyes steadily watching over me without interruptions when I was sleeping... R u reading this right now?

2008-07-21T22:07:00.002+08:00

School's been very very busy for me. I'm suffocating already, mentally. Not yet physically.
And Jin Ting just wanna do one thing now.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-03T15:51:00.001+08:00

I think I'm suffering from pre-school opening blues...
I'm starting school next week, but I just realise my I had only one friend with me for one of the courses, worse of all, we had a group assignment. We only had two people, where to find new pple to grp with us? I dun have many friends in school and still this course need us to do project, Group Assignment somemore. I'm beginning to resent this school...............

2008-06-29T12:26:00.003+08:00

This entry is SOLELY directed to Mr. SMELLY EGG.

For your information, the places I want to go are as shown below:

1) SCHOOL---Pay school fees and Print my notes! (Priority)
2) ZOO!
3) Watch moviesSSSSS( at the vivo with comfy seats )
4) Sungei Buloh

Because U r the reason for my :( and insomnia, as COMPENSATION, U have to fulfill all the things stated above. U are not allowed to make any bargains, and U have only one week to fulfill all these before my school starts. Hmph. Understand?!?

2008-06-26T17:39:00.011+08:00

This is my 2nd entry of the day coz I found something impt to
share...

Do take a moment and read this, its lengthy but it conveys a
simple yet important msg...

This was taken from my frenz's bf's blog where he took it from
his frenz's blog.

"On my wedding day, I carried my wife
in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies
insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our
home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.This was
the scene of ten years ago.The following days were as simple as a cup of pure
water: we had a kid,I went into business and tried to make more money.
When the
assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She
was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at
the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.Our marriage life
seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by
unpredictable changes.Dew came into my life.It was a sunny day. I stood on a
spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in
her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.Dew said, You are
the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of
my wife. When we just married, my wife aid, Men like you, once successful, will
be very attractive to girls.Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew
I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn t help doing so.I moved Dew's hand aside
and said, You go to select some furniture,O.K.? I ve got something to do in the
company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see
with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although
it used to be something impossible to me.However, I found it rather difficult to
tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be
deeply hurt. Honestly,she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing
dinner. I was sitting together. Or, I was lounging before the computer,
visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment.One day I said to
her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at
me for a few seconds without a word.Apparently she believed that divorce was
something too far away from her. I couldn t imagine how she would react once she
got to know I was serious.When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped
out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to
hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She
gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.Once again,
Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I
knew I could not hesitate any more.When my wife served the last dish, I held her
hand. I ve got something to tell you, I said.She sat down and ate quietly. Again
I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But
I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious
topic calmly.She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked
me softly, why? . I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer
turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a
man!At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give
her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.With a deep sense of
guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house,
our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into
pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.The woman who had been living ten years with
me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had
said.Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to
see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had
obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.A late night, I
came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the
table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned
over and was asleep again.She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want
anything from me,but I was supposed to give her one months time before divorce,
and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was
simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and shedidn t
want him to see our marriage was broken.She passed me the agreement she drafted,
and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room
on the wedding day?This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful
memories to me.I nodded and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms , she
continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on
the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me
out from the bedroom to the door every morning.I accepted with a smile. I knew
she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic
form.I told Dew(BITCH) about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly
and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the
result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel
uncomfortable.My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce
intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So
when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son
clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a
sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked
over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us
start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put
her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.On the
second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on mychest. We were so
close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t
looked at this intimate woman carefully for along time. I found she was not
young any more. There were some finewrinkles on her face.On the third day, she
whispered to me, The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you
pass there.On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we
were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The
visualization of Dew became vaguer.On the fifth and sixth day, she kept
reminding me something, such as,where she put the ironed shirts, I should be
careful while cooking, etc.I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.I
didn t tell Dew about this.I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the
everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to
carry you now.She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She
tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All my
dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because
she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not becauseI was stronger. I
knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.Again, I felt a sense of
pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.Our son came in at
the moment. Dad, it s time to carry mum out. He said.To him, seeing his father
carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our
son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid
I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from
the bedroom,through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my
neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our
wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.On the last day, when I
held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.Our son had gone to school. She
said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.I held her
tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our lifewas lack of such
intimacy.I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid
any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the
door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I'm serious.She looked at me,
astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her
hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t
divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn t value the
details of life, not because we didn t love each other any more. Now I
understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child,
I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.Dew
seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door
and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed
the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her
favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I
smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are
old."

I do hope I could find tt special
someone who would carry me out every morning till we're old. Have I already
found Him?

2008-06-26T16:28:00.007+08:00

During school days, everywhere seems so attractive and I had a list of places to chiong aft exam. Now, there's only 1 week left of my hols, then I rmb the places I wanna go, lotsa of things I wanna do.

Sungei Buloh,
Night Safari,
eat Indian Cuisine,
the chicken rice at the coffeeshop beside United Sq and the one near the supposingly Novena Church
Watch the stars, sunset,
watch lotsa movies,
bake cakes,
durian puffs,
meet up my frenz.....I still wanna go ecp and enjoy b4 I sink myself into loads of books again.

So many things, how to squeeze in one week?
And I need to buy a new ez-link card but I've only got 1o bucks in my wallet which I preserved for so long and didn't wanna touch it. My tuition just resume this week, it'll be long before I can get my pay....I got no money. Its not nice to stick out my hand and ask for $$$ also. Looks like I got to tahan...till then.

I got to print out my notes b4 the school starts also. Tt means I got to go back school and fight over the printer with pple. This school is ridiculous also, no more refreshments, no more printing of notes for us everything no more. What they do? Sit down there collect money.

A very random entry. I know. Tts just me. Hah!

2008-06-24T17:17:00.003+08:00

Ytd I'm unhappy. Today I'm happy!
Morning Ah ni ni and I went Wisma to fix her phone. While waiting for the sony svc centre to open, we sat at the Food Republic. Its only when I spotted DIM SUM from Fortunate Restaurant! Immediately I told her I wanna eat the Siew Mai and Har Gao cox I've only got 10 bucks in my wallet. Haha! She needs to reward me for the companion right! So, in the end I get to eat the delicious siew mai and har gao. But I prefer Bao Today's Dim Sum, since their's taste better in my opinion.

Simple things like this can make my day happy:)

2008-06-23T10:39:00.006+08:00

Why do I always blog when I'm unhappy. I am feeling really down now. Is there anyway to let things stay the same, even after a long period? I don't like the feeling of uncertainty and always having "Why?", or "Why is that happening?" and "What's the problem?" .

I never had the luxury of having been coaxed. I'va always been left one side whenever I feel down pr angry. People always misunderstood the reason behind my emotions. And I, who had never been expressive enough, was never been able to explain to them.

I never had the luxury of mixing with a big group of frenz. I never thought I had any influence on people. I'm just a passer-by in their life. A forgettable passer-by.
Maybe someone is right. I'm easily influenced by people's comments. And someone said I'd die without tt someone. Well, I'll tell u now I won't die, because I'm used to people leaving me.

I'm having my emo days again. These days have been quite frequent due to...hate it.
When will I stop been so naive and grow up? Those days are over. For good.

2008-05-26T20:24:00.001+08:00

I am not happy. It was just wishful thinking on my side. I need a break away from everything.

2008-05-26T10:34:00.005+08:00

I do know what I want. I'm not confused, just don't know how to go about solving the it. But I do now. I want to hold on to the things I cherish, I do want to prove sth, can I? I wish, I hope, I can. Keep your place next to me, we'll brave through everything.Together.

2008-05-23T14:34:00.005+08:00

My life has been very boring, very very boring... I got no datES!!! Ok, actually its my fault cox im lazy to go out...but its kinda diff to arrange for outings and such right??? I've been looking for jobs but as we know, Luck isn't so much on me when comes to this...but I do miss the days of working coz there's money to be earn!!!

省钱不可耻，伸手要钱才可耻。

Tts a philosophy which I learn from Rainie Yang. Good Philosophy. I have great plans for myself now, but first I need a job to fulfil these plans.

Since my life is so boring, I surf webs, and I came across many cakes and dessert blogs tt makes me drool! Ricky L. when r u gonna bring me to eat?!?But Im eating only half, u got to polish the other one and a half cakes off! hah!

Another blog tt I surf was Mary Bukoh's blog...which I found some of the entries tt simply touching and capable of making pple heartache as one reads on...

hmmm, with spare time tt I enjoyed now, I get to finish the Kite Runner tt was bought long ago...Simply touching and riveting.

The next one on the go would be The five pple u meet in heaven. And I am sure tt is gonna bring another twirl of emotions in me.